DEPRESSION

This is maybe one of the most difficult topics for me to talk about, because no one likes to talk about the worst time of their life. I believe there is a cliche regarding this disease and yes I do think it is a disease. 

For the longest time I told myself I was just sad. That I will get better and that everything will just work itself out. I just needed time to get over this sad time in my life and that I will get through it. I didn't allow myself to cry, I would tell myself to be strong for everyone else and so I didn't grieve. That only made it worse.

Months later all I could think about was ending it all. Being around people was terrifying and horrible. All I felt was this darkness in my soul, surrounding me day and night and it felt like I was going to infect others with this darkness that consumed me. And still I didn't ask for help. I didn't allow myself to cry because I thought I would fall apart not realizing that I was already falling apart. Hiding all my pain and suffering behind a smile and a laugh and repeating "I'm fine" to anyone who asked. Everyone thought me to be the brave one who can get through anything, not knowing I was falling apart inside.

But there is a happy ending. Fate brought me to see a doctor, not for depression, and when he asked me how I was I just broke down. After our session I was diagnosed with depression and I was so ashamed. I didn't want to tell anyone because not everyone understands what depression is.

I told three close friends. I took my medication religiously and I could start feeling that darkness making way for some light. It didn't happen overnight, it took time to start getting better. I believe that day I got sick and went to the doctor saved my life and taking the medication helped.

There is nothing wrong with you if you're depressed. You don't need to feel ashamed of it. You do however need to get help. Ask for it even though you don't want to ask, or you think you're fine. It might just save your life.

To this day only my three friends knows about what I went through but today I'm sharing my story and hopefully someone, somewhere needs to read this and gets the help they need. Be brave.

Till later
Hester


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