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ADOPTION There are an estimated 3.7 million orphans in South Africa and  150,000 children  are believed to be living in child-headed households.  There is an estimated 3 000 babies abandoned in South Africa each year. These statistics breaks my heart.  Now I have this question: Why does the government (and private institutions) make it so difficult AND expensive to adopt a baby/child. I am a 36 year old single woman and I have inquired about adopting. This has been a dream of mine since I was a young girl, you see my mom grew up in an orphanage. She had a mom and dad but because of family issues she had to grow up in an orphanage with her some of her siblings. When I started my inquiry I was so excited I was ready and I was willing to give it all to this child I want to adopt. To give someone the love and care and attention that their biological parent couldn't or wouldn't give them. Soon I was disappointed in what I heard and read.  It is so expensive to ad
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HOLDING OUT HOPE Everyone always tells you to just keep believing. Hold out hope and be strong. Well in the face of what you're going through that isn't always that easy.  I've looked up the meaning of hope.  " a feeling of expectation and desire for a particular thing to happen";  These past couple of weeks for me has been hard. I've gone through a few things and I've realized there is only one person always there, me. It's hard to hope for something when you can't see the end picture. When you don't know how the story will end.  How do you keep that expectation alive in the face of the circumstances around you. When you can't see a way out or a way through. You want to trust and believe but it's hard when it seems impossible. How do you trust through the pain of past experiences? I've read recently that pain is real but so is hope. Hope is being optimistic of what is to come. Or what you hope is to come i
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LOVE YOURSELF

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LOVE YOURSELF So I have been struggling with this topic for a while now. How to love yourself when there's so many "things" that's telling you how wrong you are. I was over weight for a very long time. There are people that has no problem with that, then there's the ones who completely ruin you. In those times it was the hardest to love myself. Why haven't people figured out how harsh their words can be and how much damage they can do. I have learned that nobody's opinion matters but my own! If I feel beautiful in a mini skirt with my big thighs or big ankles, then to hell with everyone. I love wearing dresses and I do not want to wear a dress that hangs on my ankles and covers me like a table cloth. Two reasons, it's too hot sometimes and I love my Owl Tattoo on my calve. I like to show off what I feel is beautiful. I used to be afraid to wear the clothes I love because of what people might say or maybe I didn't look like another w
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CONTRACEPTION

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CONTRACEPTION Or as I like to call it "a woman's painful way of being safe" against pregnancy. There are a few options we have not to get pregnant or get a nasty disease. Most of them involve only the female species. I like to talk about things that I've been through myself, so here is my story. I starting using the 2 month injection and in the beginning it worked fine. I was happy with not having to go through my menstrual cycle and the pain and discomfort that brings so on I went. After a few shots I started getting my period for weeks and weeks at a time but I listened to my nurse when she told me to push through. Don't be afraid to go for a second maybe even a third opinion if what you're using isn't working for you.  Well I got fed up. I went to someone else who gave me the implant option and I took it. So while it wasn't sore when they "implanted" the little thing it does hurt afterwards when the life comes back. Apparen
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WRITERS BLOCK

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WRITERS BLOCK So it's been a while since I've blogged anything. I blame my overactive mind and imagination that has so many things running at one time that it all gets too much in the moment I feel the need to sit in front of my computer and write a few coherent sentences it all disappear.  Now all I feel is frustration and the need to throw something across the room. To take my writers block out on something else than myself at this moment. Most of the time I have these amazing ideas of what to write about, you know stuff that really matters but for the last few weeks there has been a vast space of nothingness in my mind when I open my blog to write. The irony is when I get into bed at night I have all these things that keeps me awake and I'm sure there's a lot of people with great ideas at night but you see the moment I start to work on them in my mind I fall asleep. So the next morning when I wake up the nothingness of my creativity has expanded...
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THE WRONG LOVE

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THE WRONG LOVE We've all been in love, That wonderful feeling of butterflies in the stomach, smiling for no reason, heart beating faster at just the thought of them. It's a wonderful, awful experience. You fall in love, think about it, fall. Falling for someone with no idea if you're going to land safely in the arms of the one you're falling for. All you want is to be near them, be a part of them, make them smile for the rest of their and your lives. No one can tell me that that isn't the best feeling in the world and also the scariest. I've had my heart broken a few times over the 35 years. I remember the first time I fell in love. I was maybe seven years old. We went on a school camp and my teachers husband came along as one of the drivers I think but oh man did I not follow him around like a third wheel. That's the innocent kind of love that makes you wish it was always that easy. After a day at home I completely forgot about the tall, dark m
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BODY SHAMING

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BODY SHAMING As I've mentioned before I'm trying to live a more healthy life. Eating better and exercising to get the unhealthy weight off. Well it worked so far. I have lost some weight and I feel so much better about myself. (some days) One thing I do not understand is why we as woman (I think men does this too they just never will admit to it) will always have something that is "wrong" about our bodies.  A close friend and I have been going through the same struggle for years. We tried weight loss method after another and nothing really seemed to work. She started this eating better and exercising and she lost an impressive amount of weight. I am so proud of her! She really looks amazing and still the both of us have those days where nothing about our bodies seems to be right. My thighs are too BIG, my feet is too small, my nose it too pointy and my butt is too flat. Does that sound familiar? Yeah, we all do it. We have some part that we really dislike
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